How
rude!!!!!!
The range of 8 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members
of both sexes.
Is usually found hung, dangling ready loosley for instant action. It
boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and small hole at
the other.
In use, it is almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly,
into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out
again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied
by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing
sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn,
it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, white sticky substance, some of which
will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of
from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have
ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest,
ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling
climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.
What am i???????
As you may have
already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very
own..........
TOOTHBRUSH.........
what were you thinking?
The
Porn Star's Baby:
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to
the doctor, "Doc, do me a favour. Tell me what colour the baby is as
it's being born."
The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don't you
know what colour the child is going to be?"
"Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porno actress and
the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea
who the father is."
"Ok", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you but it is most unusual."
The baby begins to be born and the doctor says
"Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are
slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?" "Yes, doctor he was.", says
the woman.
"Wait", says the doctor, "The chest and arms are out and they seem to
be very dark. Was one of the actors black?"
"Yes, doctor he was."
"Wait, now the legs are out and they're brown. Was one of the actors
Asian?"
"Yes, doctor he was."
So the doctor pulls the baby free and gives it the traditional slap
on the back. The baby lets out a healthy "Waaaahh" and starts crying.
"Oh, thank God for that.", says the woman, "For a moment there, I expected
it to bark!"
Once, there was
this guy, who personally felt that he has committed lots of sinful crime
and therefore decided to visit a church and confess all his crime. When
he arrived at a church, he walked to the confession area and talk to
the pastor. "Father, I am sinful."
"Yes son, just tell me what have you done, Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been
3 years and nothing serious ever happen between us. Yesterday, I visited
her house, nobody was not at home except her sister. We were alone and
I slept with her." "That's bad my boy, fortunately you realise the mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody
was around except one of her colleague, I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, before last month, I went to her uncle house to look for her,
nobody was around except her auntie, and I slept with her too." "......................"
"Father?... Father?"
Suddenly this guy realise that there was no response from the Father,
he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there, and he
began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the
table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly, I remembered there is nobody around here except
me."
There was a young
man went to the doctor and said he wanted to get married but he was
worried about the small size of his member.
The doctor advised him to go and stay on a farm, dip his wick in milk
several times a day, and have it sucked by a calf.
Some months later when they met in the street, the doctor said, "How's
your marriage?"
"Oh, I didn't get married doctor, I bought a calf instead."
Before going to
Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City
bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer,
taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to
my Rolls-Royce," the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's under-
ground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, asked to settle
up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal,
and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said.
The man wrote out a cheque and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the
loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire.
Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan
for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
12 guys decide to
take a trip through the desert, so they go to the Arab camel-hire man
to hire camels. The Arab tells them it's 1000 dinars per camel, which
they find too expensive. "12000 dinars for transport? No way".
So they decide to hire just the one camel, which they all ride, from
head to tail. After a mile or so, the camel starts staggering, trembling
etc.
The first guy, the one on the camel's snout, turns to the second man
and says "I guess the camel is fucked...
" The second turns to the third and relays, "I guess the camel is fucked..."
The third to the fourth and so on, until the 11th turns to the 12th
who was sitting on the camel's very end, and says "I guess the camel
is fucked..."
"So what do you want me to do?", says the twelfth.
"If I pull it out, I'll fall off!"
Sleeping
With Women:
A guy walks into a bar, slams a twenty quid note down and tells the
barman to get him a vodka.
The barman serves the drink and enquires about the problem.
"I just found out my brother is gay" says the guy.
"Man, that's tough" says the barman.
Two weeks later the same guy goes into the bar again, and slams another
twenty quid note. Then barman again enquires about the problem.
"I just found out my father is gay too!" says the guy.
"Wow, you family is fucked up" says the barman.
Two weeks later, the guy walks into the bar again. Before he has a chance
to take out any money, the bartender looks at him and says:
"Hey, doesn't anyone in your fucking family like to sleep with women!"
"Yeh", answers the guy, "my wife"...
Mozart
decomposing:
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days
later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some
strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified,
the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable
music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the
town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened
for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being
played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening;
"There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate;
he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery:
"My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart
decomposing."
Emma
comes first
A bus stops
and two obviously Italian type men get on. They seat themselves, and
engage in animated conversation.
The lady seated behind them ignores their conversation at first, but
her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
:- Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come
again, Two asses, they come together again. I pee twice. Then I come
once more.
"You foul mouthed swine", retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country
we don't talk about our sex lives in public."
"Hey coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tella my friend howa
to spella Mississippi."
