ADAM & EVE One day,
Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple,
and wondered about men and women.
So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me GOD, can I ask you
a few questions?"
GOD replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvey
and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiney, beautiful hair, and
not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that
I could love her?"
"Well Adam, No. I did that so that she could love you."
One day, a guy dies
and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his
first meeting with a demon.
DEMON: Why are you so glum?
GUY: What do you think ? I'm in hell.
DEMON: Hell isn't that bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
Are you a Drinking man ?
GUY: Sure I love to drink.
DEMON: Well your going to love Mondays then, that's all we do is drink.Tequila,
Whiskey, Guinness, wine, Gin We drink it all, We drink till we throw
up and then we drink some more.
GUY: Gee, that sounds great.
DEMON: You a smoker ?
GUY: You better believe it.
DEMON: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer it
dosent matter cause your already dead.
GUY: No shit!
DEMON: I bet you like to gamble.
GUY: Yes as a matter of fact I do.
DEMON: Good because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, Blackjack, Horse
races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow table.
GUY: Hmmmmm, I never played pai gow before...
DEMON: Well now you can. Do you like to do drugs ?
GUY: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...
DEMON: That's right! Thursday's drug day. You can help yourself to a
great big bowl of Crack,Smack, L S D,you can roll a joint the size of
a submarine, you can do all the drugs that you want, and if you overdose,
it's okay.. Your already dead
GUY: Yeah! I never realized what a swingin' place hell would be. DEMON:
You gay ?
GUY: Uhhhhh No.
DEMON: Ooooh (grimaces) You're gonna hate Fridays.
The other day I
went to the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if you really
love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm glad I
did.
What an uplifting experience followed.
Stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about
the Lord and didn't notice that the light had changed.
That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love
the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus
Christ!" as loud as he could.
Why, it was like a football game with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ,
Go!" Everyone else started honking, so I leaned out my window and waved
and smiled to all those loving people.
There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear
him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him waving in a
funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I had recently asked my two grandsons what that meant.
They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled, and told me that
it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave
him the good luck sign back.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and were walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had
changed, and I stepped on the gas.
It's a good thing I did, because I was the only car to get across the
intersection. I looked back at them standing there.
I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian
Good Luck sign as I drove away.
