Why do blondes wear
panties?
To keep their ankles warm.
Why do blonds stick
there heads out of the window of a moving car?
To fill up
How can you tell
when a blond was baking chocolate chip cookies?
When you find M'n M shells on the floor
What do you do when
a Blond throws you a grenade?
Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back
How does a blond
commit suicide?
Jumps out the basement window.
A Blond was riding
a horse. Than suddenly the horse started to go faster and faster. At
last she screamed "HELP!!!!"
Than the store manager came out and unplugged it.
What did the blond
say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh! look doughnut seeds
How do you get a
twinkle in a blonds eyes?
Shine a flash light through her ear.
There were two blondes
on opposite sides of a river. One yells across to the other: "Hey how
do I get across the river?"
The blond replies: "Why do you want to know? You're already there!"
Why are there so
many blonde jokes?
Because redheads and brunettes have to have something to do on the weekends
Have you heard Benjamin
Moore came out with a new paint colour called "blond"? It's not too
bright but it spreads real easy.
What's the similarity
between a blond and a postage stamp?
You lick 'em, stick 'em, and send them on their way...
Why do blonds climb
chain-link fences?
To see what's on the other side.
What do you call
blonds in a School of Higher Learning? Visitors.
When is it okay
to shoot a blond in the head?
When you have a tire pump nearby to reinflate it.
Why can't blonds
water ski ?
When ever they get wet they lay down and spread there legs.
Why is a blonde's
coffin y-shaped?
B/c she is so used to having her legs spread.
What is the definition
of eternity?
Four blondes at a four way stop.
Why does the blonde
drive the car with her head out the window?
To get a refill.
How can you tell
if the blonde is a nurse?
She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.
Why do blondes fear
the middle age crisis?
Middle aged is when the broad mind and the narrow waist exchange places.
What does a blonde
have in common with the United States Army?
They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.
Why did the blonde
cross the road?
Forget about that, what the hell was she doing out of bed in the first
place?
Why do blondes flock
around the Police sharpshooters?
They heard sharpshooters have a reputation for being excellent crack
shots.
The horny blonde
says, "Wanna play carnival? "
" That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess your weight."
Doctor: "Take one
of these pills 3 times a day."
Blonde Patient: "How do I take a pill more than once?"
Doctor: "Is your
cough better this morning?"
Blonde Patient: "Yes. I've been practicing all night."
Did you hear the
one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?
She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.
How do you recognize
a blonde at a car wash?
She's the one on her bike.
How can you tell
if the blonde biker is an aristocrat?
No spelling errors on her tattoo.
What's the definition
of a blonde?
A life-support system for a vagina.
Did you hear about
the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
She had it bronzed.
Did you hear about
the blonde prisoner who was found in his cell with half a dozen bumps
on his head?
He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.
Why can't blondes
make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
Why do blondes
have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
How did the blonde
explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.
How can you tell
which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.
Why did it take
the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows?
It took her six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.
Did you hear about
the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
How many blonds
does it take to make Chocolate Chip Cookies?
5, 1 to mix the batter and 4 to squeeze the rabbit.
How do you know
if a Blond has been drinking?
She's walking in a straight line
How did the blonde
break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde
die drinking milk?
The cow stepped on her.
How did the blonde
burn her nose?
Bobbing for French fries.
What do you see
when you look into a blondes eyes?
The back of her head.
What is it when
a blonde blows into another blondes ear?
Data transfer
Why did the blonde
ask her friends to save burned-out light bulbs?
She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
What do you get
when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
How do you plant
dope?
Bury a blonde.
How does a blonde
get pregnant?
And I thought blondes were dumb!
How do you confuse
a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
How did the blonde
die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
How did the blonde
burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
How can you tell
if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a chequebook.
What do you call
a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
Rebel without a clue.
What does a blonde
make best for dinner?
Reservations.
How can you tell
if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Why does a Blonde
only change her babies diaper once a month???
Because the box saya good for up to 30 pounds.
Why did the blonde
get fired from the M&M factory
She threw away all the W's.
How do you make
a blonde laugh on Monday
You tell them a joke on Friday.
How do you hit a
blonde and she will never know it
With a thought!
Why did the blonde
keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What's five miles
long and has an I.Q. of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why don't Blondes
breastfeed their babies?
It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
What's the difference
between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Why do blondes put
their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
What do you call
a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.
What's black and
fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blonde electrician.
What do you call
a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ.
How do you get a
blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
What will she ask
you?
"Is it mine?"
What's brown and
red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
What does "Bones"
McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier......"
What does a blonde
answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."
Why don't blondes
like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the
little packet.
Why is it okay for
blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Why don't blondes
double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
What's the difference
between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.
How can you tell
when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
What two things
in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
Her feet!
How does a blonde
commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
What's black and
fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blonde electrician.
What do you call
a smart blonde?
A golden retriever. A Labrador. An indicator of a really bad hangover.
What job function
does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
How do you describe
a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
What do you call
a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.
Why are there no
dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
What do you call
15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
Why did the blonde
tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why won't they hire
a blonde pharmacist?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
A blonde ordered
a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." -
What do you call
two blonds in a refrigerator?
Frosted Flakes
How many blonds
dose it take to screw in a light bulb?
None they all sit there and bitch and moan about being in the dark.
What do you call
a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
How do you get a
one arm blonde out of a tree?
Wave.
Why did the blond
climb on the bar roof?
She heard that drinks were on the house
What's a blond behind
a steering wheel?
An airbag!!
How many licks does
it take a Blond to get to the Tootsie Roll centre of a Tootsie Pop?
NONE, They don't lick, they Suck!
What is foreplay
for a blond?
When the man says "c'mon baby, hop in the truck"
How does a blond
turn the light on in the morning?
Open the car door.
What is a blond
called that is wearing a brunettes wig?
Artificial intelligence.
Why do blondes
wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why do blondes wear
their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why don't blondes
eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
What's the mating
call of the blonde?
"I'm *sooo* drunk!"
What's a brunette's
mating call?
Has that blonde gone yet?
Why do blondes have
TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
What do you call
a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What do you call
a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do you say
to a blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."
What's the first
thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces themself.
What is it called
when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.
Why did the blonde
scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
What happens when
a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
Her IQ goes up!
What is the difference
between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
What do you get
when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
What did the blonde
say to the physicist?
"Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What
do you use for bait?"
How do you drive
a blonde crazy?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
What's the difference
between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
What goes VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
What do you call
a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.
Why did the blonde
take her typewriter to the doctor?
She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Why was the blonde
upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.
