On a plane bound
for Sydney the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first
class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not
have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Sydney and
I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the
co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her
to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Sydney and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and
asked the captain what should he do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde and I know how to handle
this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's
ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to
herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant
and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her
to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to Sydney..."
One night a blond
nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love
for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for
the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend
you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ.
I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church
supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name
it," said God.
"It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere,
not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the
minds of humans everywhere.
But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time,"
said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the Smartie's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel..."
A blonde is visiting
Canberra.
This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the capitol
building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer
for directions. "Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "how do I get
to the Parliament house?"
The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer
gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the Parliament
House, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours
ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th
bus just went by!"
A blonde woman named
Babbette found herself in dire trouble.
Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble.
She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help.
She began to pray. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if
I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let
me win the lotto".
Lotto night came and somebody else won.
Babbette again prayed. "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost
my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night came and Babbette still had no luck.
Once again she prayed. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost
my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't
often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life
back in order."
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and
Babbette was confronted by the voice of God himself.
"Babbette, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
After noticing a
beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated
young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and
said: "What can I get you, gorgeous?"
The woman, blushed and replied: "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll
have a large stiff one, please."
The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the
woman's ear:
"Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"
There's a blonde,
a brunette, and a redhead traveling through the desert when their car
suddenly stalls.
They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that it's not going
to start, they each take one thing from the car.
The brunette takes a bottle of water, the redhead takes a bag of food
with her, and the blonde takes the car door.
They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this
point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why
she brought the food.
She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry I'll have something to eat."
They all think this is pretty reasonable and then the redhead and the
blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water.
The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty I'll have something
to drink."
They all decide that's a good idea, too. Finally, the brunette and the
redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the
car door.
She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."
There are 99 Blonds
on a plane and 1 Brunett.
The captain radios in that they are going down, So they drop all the
luggage.
They were still going down so they drop out all the chairs.
They were still going down so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging
by there hands from the top on the plane with no floor.
So the captain say's "1 person jump out" the Brunett say's "I'll sacrifice
my life", and all the Blonds start clapping.
There was a competition
to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three
women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore
and was declared the fastest breaststroker.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was
declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly
collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race,
she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think
those two other girls were using their arms..."
There was this blond
who went into the hardware store.
She was shopping around and a clerk walked up to her and asked if he
could help her.
She pointed to a thermos and said "What is that?"
The clerk responded "Its a Thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold."
The blond said, "Wow, that is really a neat idea, I will take one of
those."
The next day, the blond had her thermos sitting on her desk, very proud
of her newfound convenience, when her boss walked by and asked, "Hey,
what do you have there?"
The blond responded, "Oh, that's my Thermos. Isn't that neat? It keeps
hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss says, "What do you have in there?"
The blond says, "Soup and ice cream..."
